I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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