I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
