At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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