yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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