He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
