Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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