Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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