so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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