I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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