What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
