no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
