i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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