In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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