I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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