I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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