Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Congratulations! We have a period
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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