her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
