i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
