i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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