My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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