i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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