i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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