There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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