New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
