You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
