and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
