Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
