theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Shame - the story of my life.
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