I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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