i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to make out with him forever
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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