She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.