You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in