McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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