Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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