she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.