sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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