So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
