How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.