just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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