Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
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New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.