Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
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thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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