just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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