I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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