bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
