I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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