just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize