Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize