her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
