tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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