Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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