this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
