I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
