I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
