Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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