How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
