there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
