You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
