Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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