idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
