So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
