He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
