There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
