I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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