ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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