just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
