I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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