I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize