I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
