Acid is not a monday night drug
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
