Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
