Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
