Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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