Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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