I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
