I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
