I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
operation have a gay friend backfired
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
